Hello one and all. Welcome to another Bloke Show Blog. Apologies for the delay but I’ve been busy – which basically translates to “I couldn’t be arsed to type anything”.
A friend recently retweeted an article on relationship advice and after reading the first paragraph, I thought I’d have a go. I know a lot of my friends use sites like Geek Dating to find dates and potential suitors and I also know that not all of them are great daters, making me believe my advice might be quite useful. After all, it’s not as if anyone will pay attention, plus this is for blokes and as women know – most blokes are ignorant and stubborn. So here are my Do’s and Don’t’s
Don’t:
Nice and easy one to start off with. Don’t EVER take a girl anywhere that costs an arm and a leg or spend loads of money on a first date. This is especially to the blokes who have a case of ‘oneitis’ and feel they need to pull out all the stops for just one date. You can learn more about oneitis at https://www.knowledgeformen.com/what-is-oneitis/ to catch yourself out before making dating mistakes. Let’s be honest, the whole point of repeat dating is to improve the relationship and how do you do that? – by bettering the previous date. It’s like football. A team is only as good as its previous result. Take her somewhere relatively cheap and cheerful like Nandos or the cinema. In fact, the cinema is probably better because it’s dark. I mean you don’t want to seem shallow and focus on looks, right? What better way to get to know someone than by simply talking? (plus a quick Google search for “cheap cinema tickets” provides a whole bunch of Groupon links). Talking is a pretty good place to start though, regardless of where you take your date you will want to talk to her so you can better understand if she wants that King and Princess dynamic going forward or whatever sexual preference she prefers, assuming you two have chemistry in that department. The activity you do together does help facilitate conversation between the two of you so consider a few options before jumping into it.
Nandos is a great place to go because you can usually fill up 2 bellies for under £50. Bargain! None of that Michelin Star garbage.
Dating will come to you more naturally with time and you will be a dab hand in no time at all; you can use something like a dating coach review to assess your strategies and methods when it comes to dating and where you need to improve if you’re looking for such advice.
Another reason not to take her on an expensive date is because she’ll go running back to her friends to brag about it. Chances are her friends will either encourage her to get as much out of you as she can OR they’ll pressure their boyfriends to better your date, which could lead to an awkward first handshake between you and them. Think about your fellow man. The repercussions can be irreparable.
Do:
If you are the kind of bloke who insists on buying flowers then Tesco or Lidl is the place to go. You can get a bunch of roses for £3, which is about £2 less than the bloke sells at the lights and £27 less than Interflora – plus the Tesco and Lidl ones last at least a week. BARGAIN!
Don’t:
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES buy her anything if/when you’ve done something wrong that she doesn’t know about. Random gestures like that are a sign of guilt. Sometimes (depending on her mood) she’ll see it as romantic. Most of the time a woman can sense self-reproach.
Do:
Listen. Just listen to her. Try to make a mental note of things. Pay attention to where she gets her hair or nails done. This is vital because IF you decide to do the dirty on her, there’s always a trail. What if you drop her off at the nail shop and the girl you copped off with a few nights ago is there? Make an effort with the staff there. You could end up sitting in the shop for hours on end waiting for her. Chances are, you’ll either have something in common with them OR they’ll give you the code for the Wifi signal coming from the flat upstairs.
Do:
If you’ve got a crap memory, try to associate dates/months for significant occasions i.e. when you met, the first place you kissed, etc with events that matter to you. For example, I can tell you roughly when I met the Mrs because the weekend before I was at Goodison Park for the opening day of the 2005 season. Can’t remember when a certain relative passed away? No worries, I know where I was when she called to tell me the awful news (on my way to Cardiff for a cup final, February 2006). Trust me, this method will come in handy.
Don’t:
Turn down the opportunity to meet her friends or family. Remember, this is all about effort. Say no to this and it’s more hassle than what it’s worth. “Why don’t you want to meet them?”, “What are you hiding?”, “Aren’t you committed to me?”. You’ll have more chance winning the jackpot on Who wants to be a millionaire. Just do it. Put on a front if you have to. You’re a bloke. The odds are already stacked against you. Suck it up and play your role.
Don’t:
This one is probably the most important of them all.
When she asks “do I look fat in this”, NEVER hesitate. This immediately makes her think you’re thinking of a response to her impending question of “Why did it take you so long to answer? It’s because you think I’m fat isn’t it? Well? Am I?”. You have LITERALLY half a second to respond. The answer must ALWAYS be “NO”. Even if she looks like a Hippo, just say NO. Nothing else. Just no. If you say anything other than no, like “Don’t be silly, you look lovely” she’ll think this is all scripted and it’ll be back to the aforementioned questions. Don’t even look at her arse. In fact, look at her forehead and say no. Avoid eye contact (back to women sensing guilt).
Here’s where men go wrong. We walk around shopping malls with our partners for hours on end, stepping into shop after shop, watching them try this dress, that pair of shoes, rummage through the accessories wall and for what? Sometimes nothing. Sometimes they don’t find anything – but you can’t moan because this is THEIR day. The moment a woman picks up an item of clothing or a pair of shoes – whatever, she knows whether or not she wants to buy it. Sure she’ll try it on and stare in front of the mirror for ages, even asking you the dreaded “do I look…” question. But no matter what you say or feel about it, she isn’t going to listen to you or value your opinion. Fashion is does to them what Paul McKenna does for a living – hypnotises people.
Do:
Learn to cook. This is related to the very first bit of advice in the sense that it’s cheap and cheerful, plus more often than not she’ll see it as a romantic gesture AND you’re talented – not to mention you’re in the confines of your own home so if it goes to pot you won’t have far to travel. However, if it goes to plan….Well, you know….
Do:
Always compliment her on something. Women spend hours getting ready just to go to the bloody newsagent, let alone a date. Try to notice something different like, I dunno, is her hair in curls or is it straight? Has she got a different nail colour or pattern? Ask if her shoes are new. That’ll help. Women spend a mortgage on shoes, but whatever you do, try to pretend you don’t know the brand. When a man knows more about fashion than a woman thinks he does then that could turn her off.
Don’t:
When you go out with your mates and come home late, NEVER have a shower. That puts you in the frame for a crime you may/may not have committed.
Do:
Keep wet wipes in the car or on you for the very reason for the don’t above. You go home, rest your head on that lovely white pillow and in the morning it’s covered in mascara – then what? Trouble mate. Use those wet wipes like you’re doing some CSI madness. You could have done something innocent like receive a peck on the cheek from an old female friend, but you don’t want to plant the seeds of doubt. Trust me. It’s a downward spiral from then on.
So, those are my relationship/dating tips. Hope they don’t ruin your life!
