Maya Vander, star of the Netflix hit show ‘Selling Sunset’, has opened up about the guilt she feels every day following the loss of her son Mason, who was stillborn at 38 weeks and is urging expectant mother’s to always trust their instincts if something doesn’t feel right.
Speaking to Saying Goodbye CEO, Zoe Clark-Coates MBE in the latest episode of her Life & Soul podcast, Maya bravely explained “I still think to this day, if I was to go to the Emergency Room, get checked in the hospital and insist on being there for a few hours to monitor the baby, not just a quick ultrasound, my baby would probably be still with me.”
The new podcast, which is released today (Tuesday 11th October) to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, reveals how Maya was naïve to stillbirth despite 2 early miscarriages previously.
“My two early miscarriages changed the way I behaved in pregnancy, every time I went to the bathroom I would hope I wasn’t bleeding. It became paranoia but when you pass the first trimester and you can announce that you’re pregnant you think you are in the clear and good to go. But at this point I’m not thinking about stillbirth.”
“After my son Aiden was born and I was pregnant with Elle I thought “I’ll be fine as I’ve had a baby before, my body knows what it’s doing” and even with my pregnancy with Mason, my son who I lost to stillbirth, all the check ups came back perfect. It was just bad luck with the cord and I never thought that can happen. You think baby’s are safe in the womb. But it’s not true”
A stillbirth is when a baby dies after 24 weeks of pregnancy. It happens in around 1 in every 200 births in England. While sometimes no cause is found, many stillbirths are often linked to complications with the placenta, a birth defect or with the mother’s health. Not all still births can be prevented but being aware of your baby’s movements is vital
“In the few days leading up to Mason’s death I did feel less movement, but I was thinking I’m 38 weeks at this point so he’s quite big, they move less and they have less room. I didn’t go to the ER, which I think was a mistake and I still feel guilty about it. I went to a private ultrasound place to get reassurance there was heartbeat and that the umbilical cord wasn’t around the neck – that’s all I thought would cause a baby to die in the womb.”
“The scan revealed the heartbeat was perfectly fine and the cord was away from the neck so I thought perfect, he’s just moving less because he’s a big baby.”
At a later appointment, Maya learnt that tragically her baby had died and she had to prepare to deliver her son. “I drove to the hospital but my husband couldn’t be with me as he had COVID so I went by myself. I told my husband, don’t worry I’ll just take a picture of the baby. I was very cold about it because my body was in shock”
“Mason was born at midnight and he looked like a perfect, big baby.”
Tragically, Maya and her husband went on to suffer another first trimester miscarriage after Mason but she remains strong and hopeful for the future, “You learn to live with your trauma, it doesn’t go away. Work keeps me sane and keeps me going and I’m still hoping for that rainbow baby”
CEO of baby loss charity Saying Goodbye, Zoe Clark-Coates MBE says, “While not all stillbirths can be prevented, some can and so it’s important mothers trust their instinct and always seek further reassurance if needed. Midwives would rather see you 100 times and everything be ok, than see you on the one occasion it’s too late. It is a myth that babies move less towards the end of pregnancy and you should monitor your baby’s movement regularly and always report any change in ‘patterns'”
Maya is now an ambassador for the charity, Saying Goodbye, that provides comprehensive information, advice, support and much more to anyone who has suffered the loss of a baby, at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy.
It was set up by Andy and Zoe Clark-Coates in 2012 when, after five losses themselves, they noticed that there was key support missing for people who had experienced baby loss.
When asked what advice she would give to other mothers, Maya said “Listen to your instincts, if you feel less movement or even if you feel a lot of movement, I don’t care go to the hospital and let them monitor you for a bit to check if there is any irregularity with the heartbeat of the baby and maybe insist on another ultrasound. If you feel decreased movement, something might be off.”
To listen to the full episode of Life & Soul Podcast featuring Maya Vander, visit https://open.acast.com/public/streams/60fb1405f767d70012dbfa3d/episodes/633d5eda2ebebf00110ee597.mp3
